153. Agnes' Letter

My Provincial St. Anne,

Aside from my drunken escapades on both sides of the Atlantic,  I have not in my memory disobeyed my superiors, including you.  I am unsure what I planned to do when you dispatched me to America to place the Brothers in other housing and/or jobs and sell the monastery.  But when I arrived here, I realized I could not follow your instructions to the letter.  There is something you did not know, in any case, and that is Brother Saint Florian of Linz (Sparky) before he died signed the monastery over to me.  And he had already sold five acres of monastery property to a neighbor and spent a portion of the proceeds.  What’s left, $199,584.98, was also signed over to me shortly before his death when he revealed all to me and asked that I be a part of his scheme.  I have since signed the bank account over to Brother St. Jessica, although he is not aware of it. 

I also signed the deed to the monastery over to him.  And I am going to burn the monastery down tonight so that Jesse and the Brothers will have the bank account just mentioned and the proceeds from the fire insurance too.  So you see, as you requested, the monastery will go up in flames, but you will receive no benefit.  The Brothers will be disappointed to lose their home, but  they need to throw off their useless menial activity and  desert this God forsaken shebeen before someone is injured.  And you, Brother St. Anne will have none of the equity, nor do you deserve any of it. I have been witness to your wasteful and neglectful ways with the Order’s money for too many years to be part of any scheme to enrich you further.  You need not pray for me. Wherever I wind up will be like heaven compared to this awful life I’ve been given to live.

Brother Saint Agnes