28. High Voltage

I hope you didn’t think that during college I alternated between playing in a rock and roll band and studying my bible.  I lost my intense religiosity halfway through high school and never regained it.  To this day I am not religious, nor are my brothers here at Our Lady's at  West Saugerties.  Neither are we necessarily zealots for any given set of finely constructed beliefs.  (Those are the folks we call “Jesuits.”)   We are simply men who have been chosen by a God with a sense of humor to lead a life of prayer and contemplation.  And in doing so we discover our relationship with him … or her, if you want.  Many people have been given their beliefs.  Mine were a gift with  strings attached.  I gave them back years ago and now I have to work hard to discover my own faith.  It’s a job.  That’s why I call it a vocation.

A true vocation is seldom brought about by proper schooling or cultural immersion or uncles who were priests and aunts who are nuns.  A real vocation is like your psyche sticking its hand in an empty light bulb socket and getting the shock of its life.  It’s like you were standing in the checkout line at your local supermarket and were suddenly struck by a stupendous insight, followed by an insanely terrific desire to go home and pack your bag and move to a monastery to spend your days in prayer, contemplation and manual labor.  The process isn’t that simple, of course, but the psychic change is exactly that simple.  It is a calling to live a different life from  a God who has bought your soul and all your dance tickets and will run the rest of your life for you.  It’s his plan from now on, not yours.  As Bouncer  (Brother Bilhild of Thuringia) says of his vocation, “I sure as hell didn’t come up with this idea.”