There are eleven of us.
Agnes (Abbot and Brother Saint Agnes of Cornwall.) Sent from Ireland by our superiors, The Committee on Personnel for The Ardent Brothers, the old men back on the Ould Sod who we refer to as the Gang of McFour. Agnes is fifty-ish.
Terd (Brother Saint Theresa Kim Im-I of Seoul,) a Brother and the only real scholar among us, an expert on the writings of Athanasius. Late forties.
Jesse (Brother Saint Jessica of Galilee) yours truly, former college rock band star of at least two counties. Someone should have attached a monkey on a leash to my belt and after some indecision handed one of us the tin cup. 67 years old.
Harpo (Brother and Father Saint Gertrude of Rodalsdorf.) The oldest among us, doesn’t do much but kibitz. Less than me, if you can believe it. Of Jewish descent, stolen by Gypsies in Budapest as a baby, sold as a youngster to another Circus that gave him to a group of passing nuns on their way to the New York City. Shipwrecked off the Outer Banks, survived and brought up by a wealthy family in Charleston, South Carolina. A real southern gentleman. Past eighty. He is the only priest among us and is able to furnish us Mass and the Sacraments.
Bouncer (Brother Saint Bilhild of Thuringia). I call him my boss, because he does most of the plumbing and is constantly sending me down to the hardware store for parts. Won’t go himself because he says he slept with half the women in Saugerties and most of the young people he might meet on the street are his children. Told Agnes that with a straight face. In matters of no account, Bouncer is believed less than myself. Early fifties.
Kickstart (Brother Saint Winifred of Gwytherin in Denbigshire), probably the youngest among us. Raced motorcycles after college. Accused (by Bouncer) of being a former Hell’s Angel and amphetamine distributor. Probably not true, but under direct questioning only laughs. 31 years old.
Raiser (Brother Saint Helen of Skovde.) Once studied to be an actor at a famous school in New York City. Received the call to his vocation on the E Train during morning rush hour just as the train went underground while he commuted in from Jamaica. Happened twice. Late thirties.
Izzy (Brother Saint Isidora the Simple.) Anything but simple, Izzy was a croupier in Las Vegas before coming to our order (after a period of time with the Capuchin Franciscans.) Does most of our cooking, which consists of keeping a fire going under two large pots, one of rice and the other of lima beans. Has memorized the entire New Testament. Some of us doubt the probability of that , but to my knowledge he’s never misquoted a verse when someone shouts out, for example, “second Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 13.” Some of us want to take him to a casino some night to improve our fortune, but chips probably don’t come in really small denominations. Maybe mid forties.
Cat (Brother Saint Catherine of Alexandria.) Before coming to the Order, taught auto mechanics in a trade school after graduating with a degree in Antiquities. Mother was a NASCAR driver and mechanic. Mother showed up unannounced at Our Lady’s two years ago. Still quite a looker in brief shorts and tank top. One guesses she was a teen Mom. Cat keeps our jalopies running. Gets his own parts at NAPA. Early forties.
Headless (Brother Saint Leocrita of Cordoba.) Of Pacific Islands descent, his father was the King of Saphlaticiotarapherictu (a.k.a. Gardner Island,) a very small rock off the coast of the much larger Nikumaroro Island. Claims his royal family ate Amelia Earhart. Hard to tell, but probably around fifty years old.
Beep Beep (Brother Saint Wilgefortis of Wambierzyce.) Should have come to the Order with his own leash and saved us a few bucks. DSM code is 293.81. “Where’s Beep?” sends everyone running down the driveway. Beep is 57 years old, but could run a marathon if he would do it with clothes on.
One somewhat evil dog named Tapioca. (She has no patron, but were he in good standing, Lucifer would be appropriate.) I can’t think of anyone else I know who would stand up to God, not back down and (maybe because she’s a redhead) do as she damn well pleased.
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